Monday, January 29, 2007

How Did I Get Here?

Do you ever ask yourself that? Ever look back on your life and go, "Wow. That was a ride and a half. How did I get here?"
When this happens to me, it's always with a negative spin.
I'm not sure why.
For example, tomorrow we're beginning our new Bible Study - Beth Moore's Daniel.
I'm facilitating.
I'm definitely having a 'how did I get here' moment.

Yes, I've been around the block enough to recognize where it's coming from.
But lately I'm filled with self-doubt. Lately it's been very difficult to get my head around the concept
that God loves me. Not just that He loves me, but that I'm worth it.
I'm not.
I don't feel worthy of that great love.
How did I get here?

And why do I think I'm able to accomplish any of the lofty goals I set for myself? I must be out to lunch. Permanently.

If you're old enough to remember back to the eighties, there was a song by Talking Heads that had a similar theme.
I laugh now, thinking about it. Those eighties videos were something else. Or maybe they weren't, we were just too stupid.
Again, how did I get here?

I still don't have it all figured out. I'm not sure what to do in these times of despondency.
If you would, you could pray for me.
I'll pray too.
Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

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