Monday, March 22, 2010


After almost forty-five years on this earth, I'm still no wiser when it comes to death and how to deal with it.
I've dealt with the death of fish, hamsters, cats and dogs, and each time is no better than the last.
I've dealt with the death of a parent, not exceedingly well, I'm sure, but I wasn't up to reading the guide book at the time. In writing this, I'm realizing tomorrow is my mother's birthday, which she shared with my husband.
I can think of her now with joy, and each memory I have is special. But I remember the few days after her death, the days after the funeral, and I wondered how I would ever get through it.
And I wonder now, as we have had news of a tragic death of a young girl my son's age, how her parents will get through it. How do you process the death of your child?
My son and all the friends that knew her are devastated.
No warning. Here one day, gone the next.
How does a sixteen year old deal with that?
How do I, as his mother, tell him it's going to be okay?
I don't mind telling you I have no explanation for things like this. I refuse to resort to trite sayings and platitudes.
I can't pretend to understand something I do not.
I don't like death. Death hurts those who are left behind.
And really, the aching loss never quite goes away.
I suppose there is no choice but to accept these hard things as they come our way.
I can't help my questioning, my doubts, my fear that I am somehow saying and doing all the wrong things.
And I wonder why this is happening. I am sure I'm not alone in this.
Or maybe I am.
That's all for today.


Georgiana said...

I am sorry to hear it. Death is so hard to take, especially when you don't know where someone stood in their heart before God. We've dealt with it within the last month, also.

Ann Isik said...

Hi Cathy

I wonder if it's occurred to you that writing about death and in the open and honest way you just did, is a way of 'dealing' with it? I mean, I agree, death is exactly as you write, for me and it is UPLIFTING to read. So in this way, you've taken the dirty destructive thing that death is, and turned it into something positive. THANK YOU. Ann

Katy McKenna said...

Six years ago this month, my oldest son's dear friends (2 brothers) and their father were killed in a one-car crash. My son had just gotten engaged at the time, and both boys were to be his groomsmen. All three of my children, who were 24, 21, and 19 at the time, struggled for a long time---so did we adults. I share your emotions over this. It is such a helpless feeling...Prayers for each person touched by this tragedy.

Dorothy Adamek said...

Prayers and hugs for you and your family - especially your son and his friends. May God send His people to minister to you and refresh your weary hearts.
Jesus wept and is a man of sorrows too.