After almost forty-five years on this earth, I'm still no wiser when it comes to death and how to deal with it.
I've dealt with the death of fish, hamsters, cats and dogs, and each time is no better than the last.
I've dealt with the death of a parent, not exceedingly well, I'm sure, but I wasn't up to reading the guide book at the time. In writing this, I'm realizing tomorrow is my mother's birthday, which she shared with my husband.
I can think of her now with joy, and each memory I have is special. But I remember the few days after her death, the days after the funeral, and I wondered how I would ever get through it.
And I wonder now, as we have had news of a tragic death of a young girl my son's age, how her parents will get through it. How do you process the death of your child?
My son and all the friends that knew her are devastated.
No warning. Here one day, gone the next.
How does a sixteen year old deal with that?
How do I, as his mother, tell him it's going to be okay?
I don't mind telling you I have no explanation for things like this. I refuse to resort to trite sayings and platitudes.
I can't pretend to understand something I do not.
I don't like death. Death hurts those who are left behind.
And really, the aching loss never quite goes away.
I suppose there is no choice but to accept these hard things as they come our way.
I can't help my questioning, my doubts, my fear that I am somehow saying and doing all the wrong things.
And I wonder why this is happening. I am sure I'm not alone in this.
Or maybe I am.
That's all for today.