Can you hear it? That whoop of victory that lessens to a dull roar that slowly fades to a faint buzz, and then...nothing.
It's the deafening silence.
And I'm hearing it.
If I had to label my feelings right now, I'd say the honeymoon is over.
The anticipation, the hype, the excitement of finally having my book release has died down, and I'm left sitting alone with my thoughts. Not always a good thing.
It's kind of like Christmas morning. You know how it was as a kid - you longed for it. Made your list. Couldn't wait to see what you'd get. And then in the space of an hour the floor is covered with bright-colored wrapping paper, you've whooped and hollered and shown your presents to everyone, and it's all over.
Now what? That's what I'm asking myself right now. I've never sailed these particular waters and I don't know how to navigate them. Is it normal to wonder how my book is doing? I'm getting a bit of feedback, but not much. Most of it's good, with the occasional nonchalant remark here and there. That's okay. I've already discussed not being able to please all of the people all of the time, so if somebody doesn't really jibe with the story, oh well. At least they read it.
I'm trying to figure out what I'm feeling.
This isn't to say I expected the book to rocket up the list until it hit the NYTimes Bestseller List - that only happens in my dreams - but, you know, in the lull it's easy to wonder what's going on out there. Who's reading it? Anybody? Nobody?
I can drive myself insane with this, I realize that - checking Amazon, trying to come up with fresh ideas to get the word out. Maybe I'm not looking at it the right way at all. It's possible that in my angst of what the coming months will bring, I'm forgetting about what's happening in the moment.
I have two local radio slots scheduled this week. That's great, but it makes me very nervous. I'm just praising the Lord that it's not television. I also have my first local book signing on Saturday. Again, really cool, but nerves are hitting me hard. Silly, considering I'll probably know half the people that show up. But what if nobody does?
See what I mean? It's a crazy thing.
I've got a blog tour scheduled on May 2, so I know things will probably pick up after that. One thing I'm learning post publication is that there will always be something that will drive me nuts.
If I let it.
I'm trying to continue to write as normal, hoping eventually I'll get over this whatever it is!
I'm getting toward the end of a manuscript I've been working on for a really long time. It's taken forever to carve out these characters, figure out the plot and see if it works. I just want it to be done so I can focus on really polishing it up. So I'm trying to fix my thoughts on other things, better things. Things I can actually do something about.
Some days I do this better than others. Today I'm feeling a little out of sorts.
Got any encouragement for me?