The Brick Wall

Ever feel like you're just banging your head against a brick wall?
Come on, be honest.
I feel like this all the time, and I hate it. It's so hard to keep writing when the results are a constant disappointment. I have days, weeks, even months, where I question why I'm doing this if it's going nowhere. Am I really on the path God has for me?
Ever feel that way?
Over at CBA-Ramblings today, Rachelle's talking about needing patience in the publishing industry. I read the comments with great interest. Wanted to smack a few people, truth be told.
I'm NOT a patient person.
I have had to wait for many things in my life, some very personal things that I really, really wanted, but knew there was nothing in my power I could do to get it. I had no choice then but to hand the entire situation over to God.
And guess what?
He came through. Big time.
I know that. I believe it, and I know that I have to trust that if this whole writing thing is really what I'm supposed to be doing, He'll confirm it.
BUT. Yeah.
I'm just not clear on how to get through this middle part, you know? The part where you're doing everything you can to improve, learn and grow, but it feels like you're just treading water. There's that really cool island in the distance, you're close enough to see the palm trees and the people partying it up on the beach, you can even smell the burgers. If you close your eyes you can taste that pina colada. Oh, it's gonna be good.
But you can't quite get there.
So help me out here, folks. What am I doing wrong? Why does this whole patience thing stump me like a calculus exam?
I'm listening...

Church

Hello again! Thanks for coming out to my party. I made a lot of new friends and it was good to hang out with some old ones too. Sorry we ran out of food, especially the guacamole, Ane.
I know a lot of folks don't post on Sundays. I'm not exactly sure when or how often I'll be posting. Could be once a day or a few times a week. It'll make things interesting for you.
Today, since it is Sunday, I'd like to talk about church.
What does the word mean to you? Not what it's 'supposed' to mean, what you've been taught to believe it means, but what does it really mean? First things first, lets take the gloves off. This is not a 'my church is better than your church' discussion, nor is it meant to be an opportunity to bash your church.
I'm just curious.
I think man has so many different concepts of this idea of church that I have to wonder if anyone is getting it right, and how do we know what right is anyway?
If you don't go to church, don't worry, you can still join in. I am interested in whatever anyone has to say, but of course I'm going to delete anything that could be offensive to anyone.
I had the unfortunate privilege of attending a proper British boarding school for a few years of my life. Every Sunday we'd put on our hideous school dresses and walk down a winding country road, through a quaint little village and into the doors of a building very much like the one in the picture. I didn't understand much of the service even though I'd attended church all my life. But I do remember that sometimes sitting in that place reminded me of home. I'd have to blink back tears or the floodgates would open. It was so easy to think about my parents and my dogs, and my friends I missed, and long to be with them. Now I wonder whether that longing was for something else entirely.
I know some will say God is everywhere, you don't have to go to a building on a particular day and time to find Him. This is true. I could stay right here at my kitchen table this morning, take in the beauty of the ocean before me, and worship. God and I could have a sweet old time. I wouldn't even have to get out of my pajamas.
So why the alternative?
I've always wanted church to be about community. I believe it should be a place where one comes to share faith, worship together, BUT also lay our lives down for one another. I don't believe church is about doing duty, putting in the required time and living like you've never heard of God the rest of the week.
I can tell you my story at the rest of sharing more than you might want to know about me. Here's your chance to exit the blog if you want, or stick around. Maybe I'll learn something from you.
I've been in a few churches in my lifetime and I'm not sure I fit in any of them. I can't pinpoint the exact reason, not really. I guess I'm in the process of searching, learning, growing, and waiting.
I want so much more.
I'm impatient. Tired of the status quo and rebelling against the fact that I have to settle for it.
And then there's the guilt that comes along afterward, pointing fingers my way and telling me I have no right to the feelings I'm experiencing. I am after all, still just stumbling my way through this life, and sometimes on the odd occasion, I get it right.
I have a feeling that my image of church is probably not going to be realized in my lifetime. So what do I do in the meantime? Where do we go, how do we worship? Perhaps you've been in this place and can show me around.
I could use a tour guide.

I'm Having a Party!

Why?
Why not?
Actually I do have a reason. No, I didn't get a book contract. I do however feel like I'm entering the 'real world' again. I'm getting back to doing the things I love, things I now actually have time for. And it's great!
So, since I'm going to be blogging more frequently, I thought I'd have a party so we can all get to know each other. Great idea, no?
While I'm getting back into writing, I'm also mindful that this is the time I need to be networking with people who will actually go out and buy my books one day, when they're available. What do I write?
I'm so glad you asked.
I write contemporary romance and women's fiction. Oh, and I write from a Christian worldview. No, I'm not going to bash you over the head with my faith, but if you want to get to know me, you'll hear me talking about God and Jesus. I have a couple of projects finished. One is kind of on the back burner because nobody wants to publish a book that takes place in Vietnam in the 60's - go figure, I think it's a cool story, but who knows, maybe it's time will come one day. My other book has just been completed and we're going to see what happens with that one. If you enjoy reading romance, you'll probably like my stuff. (Christian worldview, remember, no steamy novels here, sorry!)
Outside of writing, which does take up a huge part of my life, I'm a wife and mom, and I have two border collies which also take up a fair bit of time. I'm doing Agility with my younger dog, which is a lot of fun. Yes, I enjoy making a fool of myself.
I love to garden, roses are my passion and I recently started growing orchids.
Going out to dinner is another passion, but my husband doesn't encourage that one.
I have a dry sense of humor, some might say I'm a tad sarcastic. I'm told by my literary agent (I enjoy using that term, it makes me sound important, hey?) that it's my trademark, and I'm under the impression this is a good thing. I guess we'll see.
I love to sing, contemporary worship stuff, no choirs for me, not that there's anything wrong with them, they're just not my thing. I read when I can, but still haven't nailed the reading and writing my own stuff at the same time thing. I'm a little reserved in person, which is why I spend gobs of time online. I'm told I'm a loyal friend, and fun to be around. Not sure my family would always agree with the fun to be around part. That's why I have dogs.
Oh and I love making new friends, so if you're reading this, consider yourself a new friend!
Won't you introduce yourself? I'd be pleased if you'd follow my blog, and I'll come see what you're blogging about too!
Let's get this party started!

The Hard Bits...

A lot of people seem to be under the (false) impression that being a writer is rather glamorous.
Really? I suppose if you consider sitting in front of the computer day in and day out glamorous, then sure.
It's actually taken me a while to grow into this skin. When I first started writing stories, I kept them to myself. It was definitely a hobby and I had no dreams of publication. After a few comments for the unfortunate souls who were the first to read those awful manuscripts, I began to consider trying to get published.
I had a lot to learn. I'm still learning.
But I do love being a writer. I love it when an idea just slips into my brain and starts to take shape. Then the characters move in and life gets really interesting. When I'm in the middle of writing a novel, I probably don't make much sense. Most of the time I'm not really paying any attention to you, you see. I'm listening to my characters and wondering what they're going to do tomorrow.
That's the fun part of writing. There are also hard bits, but necessary methods of torture that we writers have to endure to get back to the fun part.
Revisions. Yes, I think I've moaned about these a time or two. I spent months pondering what my revisions would look like when I got them back from my agent. Had a few nightmares about it. Then when I received my manuscript it wasn't actually as bad as I thought. The problem for me was finding the time to do them.
I did finally get through them all and I think the work I did will pay off, at least I'm hoping it will.
While a lot of our ACFW members were at conference this past weekend, the rest of us had a chat on the loop and one of the questions we were asked was to share what the best writing advice you'd been given was. Mine has to be, 'there is always room for improvement'.
The other hard bit about being a writer is the waiting. If you are submitting your work, you have to wait.
A LOT.
I'm a terribly impatient person and sadly, the more lessons in patience that get thrown my way, the more I buck and wail. Gnashing of teeth and all that. Disgusting behavior.
However, all good things come to those who wait. Right?
Yes, I am holding to that truth and waiting...
At the moment I'm waiting for my agent's final word on my manuscript. If the latest version meets with her approval, then I suspect she will begin the submission process. And I shall commence the wailing and gnashing of teeth.
In the meantime, I'm trying to plunge back into writing. Thinking about a sequel to the book I've just completed, and I have a few other ideas tossing around the black sea that is my brain.
Maybe you can help me out. Have you heard a story lately that you've thought, gosh that would make a great book!? Do you have a passion for a particular cause that you haven't seen any books written about?
Remember, fiction only, and there's gotta be some romance involved.
Hit me.

Missing Out...

Normally at this time of year, I'd be getting ready to head away to attend the American Christian Fiction Writers Conference. I have done this three years in a row now.
This year I am staying home.
Various reasons drew me to this tough decision, and as the excitement mounts among my friends who are attending, I admit to be a wee bit sad. Okay, even annoyed. However, I think I'm doing the right thing by staying home. I know that attending a conference is pretty important for a writer, and it would have been great to go meet with some editors, hang out with my agent again, and catch up with old friends. Donald Maas is teaching and Debbie Macomber is the keynote speaker. What a year to miss, huh?!
But I'm trusting that this is the right thing for me at this time in my life.
Things have been just uber nuts for us this past year. We're still grappling with some stuff, and just when you take a moment to relax, another tidal wave rolls in, or so it seems.
So taking a few days for myself is just not a good idea right now. I know that.
But I still feel like I'm missing out, and I guess there isn't anything I can do about that.
So what do you do when you feel like you're missing something important? How do you look on the bright side and relax in the knowledge that the decision you made is the right one?
I'm terrible for second guessing myself. And I don't trust my own decisions. Guess that's why I really need God!
Anyway, all that to say boo hoo and cry in my soup a bit. I'll be thinking of all of you who will be at the conference. Please pop me an email if you get a chance to let me know how things are going, and take lots of pictures!!
I'll see you next year!