Broken but not Bereft.

Nobody, myself included, likes to be in pain. Since Saturday, I've been in physical pain. It was so bad Sunday night I wondered each time I fell asleep where I would wake - here in my own bed, or in the arms of Jesus. I figured I wan't having a heart attack, as I know enough to test those signs, but the pain I experienced was excrucitating. I debated waking my hubby and going to the hospital, but because I have such a low threshold of pain anyway I wasn't sure whether it was serious enough to warrant it. I figured God would give me a sense of urgency if I needed to get help, and He didn't, so I rode it out. When I finally got in to see my doctor on Monday afternoon, she thinks it is a pulled muscle on the chest wall. I had thought of several things I could have by then, none of them good. Since I was hauling around chairs and tables at church on Friday, getting ready for a function Saturday morning, this makes sense. I have some medication and it's eased considerably.
But the experience made me think on how I reacted to being in that pain. Instead of panicking and flying off the handle, I asked God what to do. To be perfectly honest, this astounds me. Really. Wow. Does this mean I'm growing up??
Personally, it's a lot harder for me to accept spiritual and emotional pain than it is physical. When I'm going through trials, and struggling to make sense of the incomprehensible, I don't want to hear, "Be still and know that I am God."
I want to scream and cry. I want answers. And sometimes there just aren't any. Sometimes life is hard. Tragic. Unbearable.
And I think it's okay to scream and cry, and get angry. It's healthy to let out grief. To admit we don't understand, and that we're angry. As long as we acknowledge that when we're done, quit our screaming and dried our tears, God is still God.
Still on the throne. Still loving us. Still merciful and just.
And He's waiting, patiently, as only He can, for us to crawl back into His lap, and rest.
Can you hear Him whisper?
"Be still, and know, I am God."
And when we do, He then begins to take our pain away.

Saying Goodbye

My niece put a wonderful slide show on her MySpace page in honor of Olivia.
You can view it even if you don't belong to MySpace.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=88090392

It's hard to say goodbye, but we hold on to precious memories,
and Jesus.
If you click on picture, the slideshow should begin to play.

Walking through Fire...but not alone.

Maybe God knew I would need this lesson today. No, I know He knew. It's only just dawned on me this minute...
Today, my extended American family and I, lost our precious Olivia.
She was just two months and a few days old.
God took her home to be with Him.
Is it okay for me to ask why? Can I say I do not understand this? I don't understand the pain her mother is going through.
The pain my sister is enduring, while carrying her daughter through this. I, far away and helpless to do anything but pray, cannot fathom it, the pain in my heart is but a drop in a vast ocean compared to what they are experiencing tonight.

I'm doing a study on Daniel. We learned again how Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were thoown into the fiery furnace because they would not renounce God. Most men died at the mouth of the furnace. The fact that they even got in there was a miracle. But then, do you know what happened?
Suddenly, there were no longer three men in the furnace, but four.
And the fourth, 'looked like the son of the gods.' Interestingly enough, if you translate this original version, you get 'Son of Diety.'
Now Who would that be?
I have no doubt Jesus Christ Himself walked with those men through the fire, and He brought them out. And here's the cool part:
'the fire had no effect on the bodies of these men, nor was the hair of their head singed, nor were their trousers damaged, NOR HAD THE SMELL OF FIRE EVEN COME UPON THEM.' Daniel 3:27

Is God with my family right now, in the midst of this fire?
Yes.
Is Jesus Himself walking them through it?
Yes.

But oh, Lord, it's hard.
But we're not alone.
Let us come out unscathed, and not smelling like smoke.

ShoutLife!

It's no secret that I'm not a fan of MySpace. I don't like the lewd sites, the weirdos and the lack of privacy, or too much privacy this online community offers our kids. I never joined myself for these reasons. But I've found a Christian alternative.
http://www.shoutlife.com
Sure you may say I'm just sticking my head in the sand and not wanting to be part of the real world.
Well, that may be. Sometimes the real world is ugly and I don't like it.
This seems a safer way to interact with an online community of like minded writers, artists and regular folk, without worrying about having to delete foul language or being exposed to things I don't want to see.
I'm trying it out for a while. We'll see how it goes.
You can find me at http://www.shoutlife.com/bermuda
I'll still be blogging here of course! Don't go anywhere!
But it's fun if you want to join.

A New World...

A lot of you may know I was raised in Bermuda, educated here and in Britain. Since I began writing for the American market, I've been told I write 'British' - in other words, I spell things incorrectly and have odd sentence structures that at times, nobody can understand. I beg to differ. I am perfectly correct. Read the following declaration and you will understand what I mean.
And John, two things to add:
Worchester sauce is pronounced WOOSTER sauce, NOT WOR-CHEST-ER...
And Warwick, the parish in which I live, and Dionne's last name is pronounced Warick NOT WAR-WICK.


John Cleese's Letter to America

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminum," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

5.There is no such thing as " US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England . It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not playedoutside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese

Who You Know...

Is it who you know, or Who you know? (Grammarists relax, I know it should be Whom...)
For a while now, I've been hearing that a big part of making it in the world of publishing is having the right connections.
Do you think this is true?
I've heard amzing stores of how people got published, some are just fluky and leave me thinking, okay they must be really in good with God.
I'm not a schmoozer by nature. I love the internet as I can 'meet' people in the writing world that way, but when it comes to crowds, the ACFW conference for example, other gregarious go-getters leave me standing in their dust.
But surely all the smoozing in the world won't get you a contract if your writing isn't up to snuff.
I hope that's true.
I'd love to have one of those fluke experiences where suddenly I'm given an opportunity to present my work to somebody, but I'd hate to have to think, I'm not ready for this!
Which is why I suppose I'm constantly sitting at the computer, honing it, editing and re-editing until I'm blue in the face.
Writing new stories as well as working on the finished ones, just to be sure. (Is this bad?)
I guess there is such a thing as over-editing, but hey, when Oprah calls, I want to be ready.
And I want to use her massuese too.
But really, it's not up to me, is it?
I know my work is in God's hands. He gives me the stories and the words, and He'll decide what is to be done with them.
Some days I wish He'd hurry up about it.
But I'll press on.
Hurry up and wait.

Stepping out of the Boat...

Obviously I'm not watching The Superbowl. I confess, I know nothing about football and have no desire to learn.
My son is watching the game - do I get points for that?

I have good news. I'm growing. Not physically, I hope, as I'm really trying to lose the holiday handles I've gained...
No, I'm growing in other areas. Stretching myself, doing things I wouldn't normally do.
I entered The Genesis Contest.
So what?
Well, for me, entering a major Christian Fiction contest is a pretty big deal.
Entering any contest is a big deal.
But, after much encouragement from my wonderful writing buddies, I decided I have nothing to lose, and maybe some things to gain. What's the worst that can happen? I won't place, or final, or win?
Oh, well.
On the other hand, who knows...
So, I took a chance. Polished up those twenty-five pages and sent them out.
They tell me the comments from the judges will be invaluable.
I certainly hope so.
If not, ACFW is welcome to my $35.00 donation, no hard feelings! In facf, entering was so empowering, I might just enter a second manuscript. Ha.

Speaking of writing, which I am,
I'm on page 127 of my work in progress, Yesterday's Tomorrow. I'm a SOTP writer, but I do have a good idea where this book is going. I'm not sure if Kristin and Luke agree with me yet, but they'll come around.
I do have to say that I'm loving writing this story. They've been hanging arond a while, waiting for me to let them loose on the world. And oh boy, do they have some things to say.
Some days I have to remind them we're writing for CBA. But it's 1967, Vietnam...
Some days, I have to just let them have their say.
I'll clean them up later.

Okay, going to take my crazy pill now. Thanks for stopping by.

Is my blog hard to find?

I've had no comments for the longest time...
I wonder if my blog is hard to find now that I have a website? I'd really appreciate some feedback if ANYONE is reading...
I really hate talking to myself!
I thought it was pretty self-explanatory if you're coming into the website, you click on writing and then click on Blog - but maybe not.
Thoughts?
Anyone?