Running on Empty

Over dinner with friends the other day, we engaged in a somewhat lively discussion about how low we let the gas gage go in our cars before filling up. I have to say I was at the mercy of my husband, who did not hesitate to point out that I am literally obsessive when it comes to filling up.
It's true.
I know that I can probably get to where I need to go and back without running out of gas if the gage reads below a quarter tank. But when that red light comes on, I start sweating.
My husband on the other hand would drive the entire island three times over before stopping for gas.
This habit becomes excruciating for me when we travel, especially if we're on long stretches of highway and don't know the area.
I need the security of knowing that we're going to arrive at our destination safely, without running out of gas.
I'm sure the psychoanalysts among us would have a field day with this. I've lived with myself for 42 years now and I don't need a shrink to tell me I prefer living in a safe and secure world where I don't have to worry about what's coming around the next corner. But life isn't like that, is it?
We don't get to read the full synopsis and decide whether or not we like the story.
We have to put one foot in front of the other and go...whether we like it or not.
And sometimes we do run on empty.
Sometimes its all we can do to go through the motions and get through the day.
In fact, I feel like I'm running on empty right now.
I'm in the middle of rewriting a story that's very close to my heart. It's painful. There are parts of it I don't want to write. Yet I know I must. Because you see, in the midst of that pain, God drew near. He held me close and He told me it was all going to work out. I didn't know how or when, and I confess there were days when I didn't believe Him.
But God doesn't break His promises.
He brought me through that time and showered me with more blessings than I could ever have imagined receiving. He worked in miraculous ways despite my meager faith.

As I sit here this morning, pondering my inability to drive on my car on empty, I'm receiving a gentle prod from my Father in heaven.
Why are you then satisfied to let your spiritual tank run on empty?
Ouch.
But its true. I don't make enough time in my week for worship, prayer or getting in the Word.
I'm all about running on empty because I know that God will come along and bail me out when I run out of gas.
Sure, He would, but why should He have to?
And aren't I depriving myself of the joy of being in HIs presence, of feeling Him literally filling me up?

Matthew 5:6 says, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."
There are many other promises in Scripture of how God fills all our needs, and fills our cups to overflowing.

If I'm running on empty, it's only because I don't choose to stop and fill up.
So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go do that right now.
I pray you will do the same.

Make Your Life Count!

My son Chris, skating today.

Today in Bermuda, a marathon takes place. Local athletes as well as those from other countries come to participate in the race. People line our narrow roads, some on folding chairs, some sitting on stone walls, waiting for the moment when they can cheer on the runners. It's quite a big deal. This year, something a little different happened as well.

Because we have no ice rink here, Inline Roller Hockey substitutes for the ice hockey many Canadians and Americans miss when they move to the island. Roller hockey has been going strong for years. My son started playing when he was about six. His dad, good Canadian that he is, took great pride in taking Chris to a sports store in Toronto that year to get him geared up in helmet, skates, protective wear and of course, the hockey stick. It was almost as exciting as it would have been if we were living in Canada and he was starting ice hockey. I'm happy it's roller hockey, as it's not nearly as violent, and there are no 5am practices to get him out the door for!

Last month, we lost the man who was one of the founding members of our roller hockey league. He died of a heart attack while playing on the rink. He was only 42.
Today, hundreds of kids donned their roller blades and hit the streets on Bermuda to skate for Tom. His vision to expand the skate facilities here on the island will live on, and many will 'Realize the Dream' in his honor.
He was an individual who poured himself out for others. He gave countless hours to kids in coaching, organizing and helping them see that there are better things to do on a Saturday than sit around watching television.

Although his death is devastating and tragic, his life counted for something.
I'm sure he did not wake up every day wondering what he could do to make a difference - maybe he did - but how many of us really stop to think about what we're doing?
If your life ended today, would you have made a difference?
I'm thinking about this.
I don't know that I would have had such a profound impact on society as Tom McNeil clearly did, but I do hope that in some way, I make a difference in the lives of those I come in contact with.
I hope I can listen first, speak later. I hope I can look through a person's smile and see their hidden pain. I hope they can trust me enough to tell me about it.
I really hope that one day the words I write will reach the hands of those who need to read it.
I want to entertain, but more importantly, I want to minister.
I want them to know the Truth.
That through Christ, ALL things are possible.
I want Him to impact them, and if I can be a part of that process, then I will have lived well.

Losing a loved one is one of the most painful things we will endure, but part of the healing is being able to look back with pride at who they were and what they did while they were here.
Maybe if we all lived life searching for ways to give back rather than take, to love instead of argue, to care about our society and care enough to actually want to make a difference, our world would be a better place.

I thank God for people like Tom, who truly did care, and made a difference.

Surprise!

I've probably said this before, but I really don't like surprises. However, I'll admit that some surprises are good.
David Cook winning American Idol. That was a good surprise.
I'm a quasi-Idol fan. I usually don't start watching until they've got down to the last five or so contestants.
I can't stand watching the auditions, and this year I thought the talent left a LOT to be desired.
But I was rooting for David Cook. And I'm so glad he won. He deserved it.

I wonder if he really thought he would win? I watched him sing on the last night, saw the depth of his emotion and couldn't help feel sorry for the guy. I mean, word on the street was not in his favor. The judges didn't seem to be in his favor, and you felt his pain. It was as though he'd already given the title over to the kid in diapers.
Of course I could be wrong. But humor me.

Aren't we like that? Don't we just lack that last bit of faith in ourselves that pushes us to the limit and over the finish line?
I do. It's a bad trait for a writer, let me tell you. If there's anything that can be compared to American Idol, it's the world of publishing. If you have never written a book, you don't know the hours that go into it. The endless days spent editing, trying to get it just so. The agonizing over whether or not your query letter is good enough to leave your desktop. Once you hit Send, that's a whole different kind of agony.
If you don't have faith in yourself, you'll never make it to the finish line. You probably won't even finish your first manuscript.
Most aspiring writers don't.
To be honest, I probably wouldn't have either if I didn't have a bunch of people cheering for me, telling me to quit the whining and just get on with it. We all need a fan base. It's support, it's love, it's having someone believe in you even when you don't believe in yourself. With enough kicks up the behind, you start to change your tune.
Each step up the ladder of the publishing world is like getting through to the finals in Idol.
When you receive your first email that's NOT a rejection, but a request to see more, wow. That's like Simon telling you you weren't half bad. Half good? Okay, it's better than horrendous, right?
When you get that offer from an agent who's excited to represent your work, well now you're in the top five for sure.
You've at least got Paula and Randy in your corner. Simon's deliberating.
And slowly you work to improve upon what you've got, and your fans cheer you on.

When you get to the finals - having your work before an editor - you know you've done all you can.
It's out of your hands.
I totally relate with how David Cook probably felt after he sang that last song before the voting started.
You know you're good, but you don't know that you're good enough. There's always going to be someone who just might be better.
But then, surprise, you ARE good enough. You win.
I could deal with that kind of surprise. And trust me, when it happens, we're having a bigger party than the AI one.
But until it happens, I press on, knowing that I've done my best with this one. I'm doing my best, trying to be the best writer I can be, and still learning along the way.
Even if the judges don't like me, I like me. And God loves me.
And that's the only prize that's really worth going after.
Winning on earth is great, no doubt, but just imagine for a moment, if you will, the extravaganza being planned for you in Heaven when this race on earth is done.
That's one celebration I don't plan on missing!

Have a Laugh...

If I wrote anything today, I'd be into a huge rant in no time, and who needs that?
So I've decided to have a laugh instead. Here are some Maxine's for you to enjoy on this Monday...

Proud Member of the BHCC!!

We're official!!



If you're too chicken to read any of Brandilyn Collins' books, this is the place for you!
I admit, I have never read a single page of any of her books. However, this is okay.
She does not hate me for it. Look how nice she is, she's even created a club for those of us who won't read her stuff!
I have no problem passing along her books to anyone else who isn't a member of the BHCC.
Who knows, one day I might muster the courage to read one myself.
But it's unlikely.
She tells us she has women's fiction books available - they're even on the BHCC site.
I'm going to have to read them first, 'cause I'm not sure I believe her.
I think they're really her hardcore stuff disguised as women's fiction just to suck us in...
I'll let you know.

So here's my endorsement - Brandilyn, I think you're a wonderful person, but I wouldn't want to live inside your head.
Honk.
PS - when's the last time you heard a chicken honk?

Mother's Day

Such a weird day. A tribute to mothers. Who thought of this? Hallmark?
I don't know but it doesn't really matter.
For me, Mother's Day brings a mix of emotion.
As a mother, I am blessed to share the day with my two children and husband.
Sometimes we go out for lunch, today we stayed in because we went out for a wonderful dinner last
night at one of my favorite restaurants.
The other side of Mother's Day is that I no longer have my mom with me. So I choose to take
the day to remember her and how amazing she was. She taught me so much about courage and getting through
the hard stuff no matter what. I know that it's due to her that I have been able to embrace motherhood and raise my
children the way I have. She passed away too young, after a prolonged illness, but I never heard her voice out loud that
she wished things were different. I'm sure she did. We all did. But my mom took what was given to her with a smile,
and battled courageously. And knowing that she's now in heaven with Jesus is a great comfort.
I had another mother, the woman who gave me life. We never really knew each other, but I always think of her today too, and
contemplate what life would have been like were things done differently. It's almost too complicated to think about, really.
I trust God's divine wisdom and know that He blessed me greatly in giving me the parents He chose for me.
I have a wonderful stepmother who adds much to our lives and we are very blessed to have her in our family.
I also have a great spiritual mom who first opened my eyes to the exciting world of studying God's word. She's stood by me through some pretty interesting times, and although she lives far away now, I know she's still there for me, supporting me in prayer.
In light of recent world events, you can't help but think of the many children who today have no mothers. Mother's who have no children.
Again, my heart goes out to my niece who I'm sure is missing her baby today.
Bittersweet doesn't really do these feelings justice.
I was handling the whole realm of emotion pretty well until I checked into Kristy Dykes blog. Kristy is an ACFW member who has been battling cancer. She will soon go home to be with Jesus.
How my soul cries for the two young women who went through today knowing that it is the last Mother's Day their mom will be on this earth. I can't even remember if I thought that thought when my mom was sick. I'm sure I did.
God knew what He was doing when He made mothers - even the ones who just don't seem to care. In their heart of hearts, they do.
Mothers must be treasured whilst they are with us. When they are gone, we realize how much they were a part of who we are.
So if you can, hug your mom. Or make your kids hug you.
And have a Happy Mother's Day!

Reason #1 to Sell the Book!

I have more than one reason I want or would like to sell my book, but hey, I just found the best one!
If I sell my novel before this year's ACFW conference in September, I don't have to make any editor
appointments!! The reason being of course is that the publisher who buys my first novel will hopefully
want to buy my next...and they have that option.
Just the thought of no appointments makes me a very happy camper.
To be honest, that whole process makes me very uncomfortable. I am not a social butterfly by any means, nor
do I feel comfortable 'selling' myself and my work. I KNOW it's all part of the publishing business and I must
do these things in order to move ahead, but I find the entire thing very stressful.
For the last two years I've stammered and sweated my way through those ten minute appointments with editors
and agents. Thankfully I think my writing is better than my presentation and the outcome wasn't horrific.
Now that I have an agent that's one less appointment to worry about anyway.
And if I'm contracted by then I'll be breathing a sigh of relief!! I can network and make polite conversation, I'm not
a total social reject, but I am generally shy. I won't be the first to raise a hand in Q&A, and if I'm put on the spot I tend
to retreat. Maybe I need one of those life coach people to help me become more outgoing, I don't know.

Updates - Sarah is home!! YAY. There's something to be said for having all the family under one roof. But I can't repeat it, this
a G blog. Just kidding. I'd forgotten what those sibling altercations were like. I really can't believe my baby has finished her first
year of university. No, I don't feel old but thanks for asking.

House - We have a floor! The ground floor slab was poured yesterday. it's amazing. I have pictures. That's all I have to say or I'd be here all day.

Book - Submissions in process. i don't want to talk about it. At this point I do still have nails.

The weather is great.
That's it for now!

Take Time To Breathe...

Life has a way of veering off course without permission.

I really like that line. Not just because I wrote it, but because it's so true.
Don't we all make plans, filling our days with tasks, setting goals, mapping out time. And then one day something
happens and it all comes to a screeching halt, or worse. Sometimes life comes crashing down around you.
Most times you don't get any warning. No alarm bells go off, no deep voice booms overhead in warning saying,
"This life will self-destruct in sixty seconds."
It just...happens.
I remember the day my sister called to tell me that my two-month old great niece had passed away.
I'd just come home from Bible study where I'd been showing pictures of me holding her just two weeks prior.
None of us saw that coming. There was no preparing for that kind of grief, no handbook on how to deal with it, live with it or get over it.
I remember the day my dad came over to tell us mom's last check-up hadn't brought good news. About a year later she was gone.
I just heard this week of some friends in South Africa, both taken terribly ill and hospitalized at the same time, and both have passed away within days of each other. How do their son and daughter and grandchildren prepare for that kind of shock?
And where is God in the midst of all this tragedy?
Right there with us, as close as we'll allow HIm to get.

This is a video I found on You Tube. It's not the official Casting Crowns video, I can't find that one, but it's pretty good.
This song has really been speaking to me lately. I hope it blesses you.

Friday Again?

I have no idea where that week went! Looks like I'm going to have to work hard to keep up with this blog.
Things are getting extremely busy with the house and I am running around with things to do, daughter
arrives on Tuesday, yay! And I still need to keep up with my writing in between all this craziness.
I'm looking forward to the summer that's for sure.
Not a very interesting post today I'm afraid, but I'm battling a cold and have been under the weather
this week, which hasn't helped my coping skills.
Hope to be back on track soon.