Note to Self...

Sometimes life turns into a big snowball, doesn't it? Careening down the mountain at a clip, gathering speed, going faster and faster, getting bigger and bigger ... and you're standing at the bottom of the hill straight in the line of fire, stuck in a snowdrift.
Maybe that's a little dramatic. I'm a writer, what can I say.
It's been one of those weeks for me though. So many things going on. Frustrations with people involved in our
building project are mounting and getting out of control. It's time to say enough, already!
We have a meeting scheduled to try to sort this out. But the worst of it is, it's all unnecessary frustration and it shouldn't
be happening.
Adding to my stress level is the knowledge that my book is hitting an editor's desk next week.
So what? She'll either like it or hate it. I can't do anything but pray for favor.
In the grand scheme of things maybe it isn't such a big deal, except it IS. To me at least.
But I have to remind myself again not to fret.

I'm starting to get the feeling God is trying to tell me something.
I've written more than a few of these "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" blog posts in the last month.
I think I'm supposed to stop, take a deep cleansing breath, and hit the floor on my knees.
God is able to overcome any obstacle that gets in my way.
Only He can stop that snowball from knocking me over.
When I feel like all I can do is tread water, He will tow me in to shore.

At times we have to tread a little longer than we'd like, but it's not because God isn't listening or unaware that
we're out there practically drowning. I think it's because He wants us to recognize that we simply cannot do it on
our own. How long does it take for us to cry out to Him?
Honestly?
For me, longer than it should. I'm still a stubborn sot at times, and I think I can handle this thing called life all on my own.
I can't. And when I try, the outcome is often disastrous.
I've been studying the Psalms these past few months. They are full of praise, lamentations, and great wisdom.
I know that even in this busy time, what I really should be doing is praising God for His blessings.
Isn't it just too easy to complain? Ugh. And then once again I'm kicking myself in the head.
God doesn't want that either.

If God kept a record of sin, who could stand?
Not me.
I'm so glad He doesn't.
I think I have a tendency to create more problems than I actually have. Can anybody relate?
We're building a house! That's a wonderful blessing! I have a book going out to publishers - that's not a problem, that's a
praise! And a miracle if you really want to get specific about it!
So my note to self today is to stop, pray, and thank Him for all He has done in my life.
I pray you will do the same.

When Seasons Change...

I am SO ready for summer!
I know some of you are still waiting for Spring. We sort of have spring here in Bermuda, but it's not as drastic a change
for us because we don't have snow and we can grow flowers all year round if we want to.
I've been lapse in that area this past year.
Books to write, fingernails to chew off... it's been busy.
However, now that I feel a little of all that stress lifting, I want to get out in the garden.
Some people are actually shocked when they learn I like to garden. I have no idea why, really.
But I do. You'd be amazed the things that float through my mind when I'm digging in the dirt.
Not only is it good exercise for the body, but my brain gets a workout too. By the time I head inside
again I'm ready to write a few more chapters.

Aren't we blessed to have a change in season? Think how awful it would be to have cold weather all year round.
Or hot. I love that God mixes it up for us. I suppose you can complain either way, but I choose to be thankful for the changes He brings.
I need to apply that to my life as well. When things change, for better or worse, I still need to thank Him. At least if things
are happening, we're not sitting stagnant, right? The busy seasons are times to hold on to Him, don't lose your focus.
Do what He has called you to do and do it to the best of your ability.
In times of rest, when not much seems to be happening, don't get frustrated. Rest.
I sometimes think we fill our lives with so many things that we don't allow ourselves to rest. So when things really start
to heat up, we're unprepared and burn out too easily.
I am in a change of season. My kids are growing older, one already in college. We're stepping onto shifting sand.
I'm entering into a new phase in my writing. If my book sells, hopefully this will be the start of a new career for me. Not so new
really, as I've been writing for years, but actually writing for a publisher is a whole different ball game.
I want to be prepared.
I am very thankful for the changing seasons in my life, even for the challenges.
Are you experiencing the change of season right now? Embrace it!
As they say, things can only get better!

Out of Control!

Do you ever have one of those days when you pull yourself up short and say,
"What is the world coming to?"
I'm noticing I'm having a lot of those moments lately.
It started with the introduction of the first pregnant 'man.'
Then I began to explore what "A New Earth" was all about. Oprah again.
In Bermuda, our roads have become killing fields. Five road accident related deaths in the last week alone.
Our esteemed Government here at home has taken it upon themselves to remove The Queen's Birthday from
our calendar. It will no longer be a public holiday even though we are STILL a British colony.
And no, I'm sure they did not ask her Majesty's permission.
From where I'm sitting, it feels as though the world is spinning out of control.
I'm so grateful I know the One who IS in control.
I need to keep my eyes fixed on HIm. He is the only One who can fix this broken world.
He is our anchor.
He cannot be shaken.
Nor should we be. But because we are human, sometimes we do get scared.
Isn't it a comfort to know we can run into our loving Father's arms and hear Him say,
"Fear not." and "I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
Praise Him today for His faithfulness.

FYI

Okay, I have to do this.
I know many of us, myself included, have watched Oprah over the years and resonated with the things
she has brought to light.
Enough.
This year she has crossed the line for me. I post this to warn you, to enlighten you, and to urge you to draw your own conclusions, and pass along this information as you feel led.
Do not be deceived.

Contests and What I Learn From Them...

You may recall I wasn't going to enter the Genesis this year.
Ok, I did. And I didn't final.
I'm not in tears and I don't need chocolate. I'm amazingly calm and I don't want to throw
darts at the anonymous judges...because they all gave me really positive comments.
So what have I learned? Well, for one thing, I know I need to fix some stuff on the first
manuscript I entered. I don't think the beginning is quite strong enough yet. But that's good to know.
Positive, helpful feedback, is always a plus from entering a contest.
I didn't enter to win anyway. I'll admit I did think that my second manuscript, the one going
out to editors any day now, would do better.
But as I have reminded myself, contests are SUBJECTIVE.
As are readers. So one out of three judges loved the story and looks forward to seeing it on shelves soon.
That's good. One in two...
So maybe I will sell a few copies. And the other two certainly didn't tell me to take up basket-weaving. They just
weren't as enthusiastic about the plot. Again, you've got 25 pages to impress.
That's tough.
I've heard some agents and editors say if the first page - FIRST PAGE - of a manuscript doesn't grab them, they don't read on.
Writing is a very hard business to break into.
I can't stress enough how important it is to really know that you're called to this. You've got to be willing to put in a lot
of time and effort for very little reward.
You have to know how to handle rejection. What to do with it and how to use it for good.
You have to believe in yourself and not give up.
And lastly, you have to know how to rest in the One who has called you to this place, because He has a plan
and it is good.
So if you're like me and didn't make the final rounds, take heart. It doesn't mean you're a bad writer. It doesn't even
mean you're not quite there yet. It just means that three people didn't score you high enough for the final round.
In the Big Picture scheme of things, is it really that big a deal?
I'm glad for those who made it, and I'm commiserating with those who didn't, but it's just a contest.
Take the good with the bad, and life goes on.

Can I Get Some New Personality Traits Please?

Do you ever get sick of yourself?
Keep doing the same stupid stuff over and over again and end up smacking your forehead in frustration?
No, I don't need a V8.
I do need some self-confidence boosters though.
I know that over the next little while, my agent will begin sending my book out to prospective editors.
While I'd love to sit back, breathe a satisfied sigh and say, "Bring it on!" the truth is, I'm feeling more like the above picture.
A voice inside my head is yelling, "Danger, Will Rogers!"
And I so wish that were not the case.
I've had so many run-ins with rejection in various forms over the years that I'm more than a tad gun shy.
It's hard to put myself out there.
Writing a book and then submitting it for public scrutiny is putting yourself out there in a big way, trust me.
You want to know what rejection is, be a writer.
Even if the miracle happens, and my book does get published, I can guarantee you somebody out there won't like it.
And they'll be more than happy to tell me why.
So how do I deal with this constant battle of never feeling quite good enough? How do I overcome the fear of failure and rejection?
I have to put my trust in God and ignore the voice in my head.
I have to know without doubt that I have been called to this, and hold fast to the promises of God.
I love that saying, "If He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it."
He is Elohim - The Creator - I am His creation, therefore I am worth something to Him.
He is El Roi - The God Who Sees - He knows what lies before me, and He has a plan for my life.
He is El Shaddai - The All Sufficient One - if rejection comes, He will be my comfort.
He is Jehovah-nissi - The Lord My Banner - He believes in me!!
And finally, He is Jehovah-Shalom - The Lord Is Peace.

Without Him on my side, I would be lost.
I'm also so thankful for the cheering section of my family and friends! I couldn't do it without you.
Peace All.